My insecurities were exposed because my christianity had been like a spiritual version of the protestant ethic. It was more about achieving than receiving. My faith was driven by a sense of duty. My self worth had come from my work, identity had come from my activity and my sense of personal value had come from my role. I needed to discover that grace is not about doing but resting in what Christ has already done for me….I realized that I had been serving the “work of the Lord” rather than the “Lord of the work.” The cream of my energy therefore needed re-directing to enjoy relationship rather than to do ministry…..David Watson, the evangelical Anglican minister who came to treasure terminal cancer as a gift that brought him into closer relationship with God. I wept as I read these words:
God showed me that all my preaching, writing and other ministry was absolutely nothing compared to my love relationship with Him. In fact my sheer busyness had squeezed out the close initimacy I had known with Him.
This was the turning point; I gave up trying to be the heroic full-time Christian worker. I stopped trying to operate out of a sense of the ideal me and came to terms with the real me. Henri Nouwen helped me when he said The need for heroic self-image is the biggest barrier to service for Christ…when I have nothing to lose I have nothing to defend. Only then can I have everything to give.
Quoted from Steve Bell’s Bell The Journey From Fear To Faith – Grace For Muslims?
WOW! What a challenging / inspiring quote!! Loads to chew on and over here.